i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
