I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
