I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
