You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize