a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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