eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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