her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
