their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
