I love black thongs
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
