u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
