First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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