She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
