cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
