so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
