Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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