oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
