What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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