I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
