If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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