We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
