You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just cropdusted the office
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And then my night got REAL pukey
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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