Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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