So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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