No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
