So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
