I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I touched a dick in church today
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