just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
