not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
