What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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