Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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