I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
