I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
