she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
