meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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