that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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