discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
