how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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