OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
