We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
