Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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