Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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