I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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