Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
