I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm bleeding and have questions
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
