hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
