it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
