im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
