I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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