Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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