he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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