yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
