can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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