I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
