They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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