had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
