My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
