I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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