i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
