oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
