I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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