if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize