You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
