I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
