once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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