I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
