why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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