if i can run in heels then i can drive
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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