Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
