He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
