Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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