first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
