do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize