My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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