in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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