I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
