I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
