The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
