okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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