I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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