You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize