I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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