What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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