so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
