Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize