it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize