I just made out with a guy for $7.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
