One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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