matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
