trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
