I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
