Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
