Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
