The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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