I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
