i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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