u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
