I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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