Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize