Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
