Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
