Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
