Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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