I swear god or herbie drove my car home
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
