Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
