im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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