that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
FUCK WHALES
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
